5 replies to this topic

[eunice]

Last Friday, my boss who is an Alpha SF wanted to have a short discussion with me over a very trivial matter imo.

Here is the watered-down summary of what had happened.

Background
My boss emailed a member of the public (let's call her Ms. A) to update her that the results of an investigation on the malicious comments posted on Ms. A's blog is inconclusive. Nevertheless, she listed her and my mobile no.s in the email and inform Ms A to contact either one of us if there are any of such comments made in future.

My perspective

As I do not know Ms. A and my mobile no. is not an official no. listed on our company's staff directory, I replied to my boss to inform her to keep my mobile no. private in future. I did not want Ms. A to abuse my no. as I previously have bad experiences on this. In addition, I do not get handphone subsidy from the company. However, this is a minor issue and I have no qualms about colleagues calling my personal no. for work-related matters after office hours

Boss' perspective
She informed me that she is irritated by my email reply. She misconstrued it and thought that I wanted to divide my private and public life very clearly e.g. avoid picking up work-related calls after office hours. She went on and brought up an unrelated past issue on how she could not contact me during one weekend as I have switched off my mobile phone. To her, I should have turned on my mobile phone even after office hours so that I am contactable at all times.

Aftermath
This trivial matter caused her to be rather upset about me to the extent that she informed me that if I were to divide my private and public life so clearly, I should reconsider not continuing my career in HR. To her, been in HR means that you have to be there for everyone and anyone at all times. To me, she is barking at the wrong tree. Even though I am someone who guards my private life immensely, my unwillingness to share my handphone no. to Ms. A has nothing to do with this.

Hindsight
On hindsight, I believe that my boss had made this assumption due to our difference in personalities. She seems to be able to talk to anyone about anything and has no qualms on sharing with business partners or any colleague about very personal details about her life from her childhood to her parents and how they met. I find it peculiar that there is someone who enjoys sharing such details to anyone he/she knows. In social functions, she is the social butterfly who goes from table to table for networking, whereas I am someone who prefer to have a deep one-to-one conversation. She is more enthusiastic whereas I am less excitable. When we are getting ready for a business trip, she would be very excited about going overseas and how she will have fun there. On the other hand, I don't look forward to such trips as it meant that I have to write reports and other paperwork which are related to the trip immediately after I have returned. She thinks that I am too quiet for her liking, whereas I think that she talks too much about trivial matters such as food, clothes, shoes etc. She also tends to find the most convenient way to do something without analyzing the situation and understanding the details.

[Ajax]

Eunice which of the alpha SF type is she? I don't know if you have seen my topic about Ne types as managers, I wrote it mainly because my ESFj manager who is the most annoying/demanding individual in the world from my perspective was bugging the shit out of me until I found a bit of an antidote to her antics which is working at least for the time being. If your boss is ESFj she probably will not like your personality a lot if you are really quiet, do not have strong Ti and have no real wish to be gregarious and over energetic like they can be, some ESFjs seem to be quite suspicious of quiet people or just about anyone who is different in some way. My manager likes to talk about what seem like the most superficial things all the time like yeah.......food and shoes etc. I find this odd because on paper she is very accomplished with several scientific degrees from the very best universities in the country.

I hope your professional situation is a bit better than mine. Power seems to make even the more pleasant ESFjs go over board with demands and general power tripping behaviour which can cause people around them to feel an incredible amount of stress from what I have seen and to some extent experienced.

[Ajax]

Also, I think you have the right to separation between your professional and personal life and your personal life and personal time should really only be interupted for urgent/very important professional issues. Why on earth does she think it is ok for you to be giving out your personal telephone number in that way anyway? I have a very cynical view of ESFjs these days, to me she seems to want to control you even from a distance 24hours a day 7 days a week and seem to be making up excuses so that she can do this, she seems to have no real regard or understanding of personal boundaries.

[eunice]

Ajax, on Mar 8 2009, 07:39 AM, said:

Eunice which of the alpha SF type is she? I don't know if you have seen my topic about Ne types as managers, I wrote it mainly because my ESFj manager who is the most annoying/demanding individual in the world from my perspective was bugging the shit out of me until I found a bit of an antidote to her antics which is working at least for the time being. If your boss is ESFj she probably will not like your personality a lot if you are really quiet, do not have strong Ti and have no real wish to be gregarious and over energetic like they can be, some ESFjs seem to be quite suspicious of quiet people or just about anyone who is different in some way. My manager likes to talk about what seem like the most superficial things all the time like yeah.......food and shoes etc. I find this odd because on paper she is very accomplished with several scientific degrees from the very best universities in the country.

I hope your professional situation is a bit better than mine. Power seems to make even the more pleasant ESFjs go over board with demands and general power tripping behaviour which can cause people around them to feel an incredible amount of stress from what I have seen and to some extent experienced.

My boss is most probably a Fe-ESFj and I nearly thought that she is my conflictor because we have very different perspectives in life.

Ajax, on Mar 8 2009, 07:39 AM, said:

Also, I think you have the right to separation between your professional and personal life and your personal life and personal time should really only be interupted for urgent/very important professional issues. Why on earth does she think it is ok for you to be giving out your personal telephone number in that way anyway? I have a very cynical view of ESFjs these days, to me she seems to want to control you even from a distance 24hours a day 7 days a week and seem to be making up excuses so that she can do this, she seems to have no real regard or understanding of personal boundaries.

Based on what she has shared with me, she reckons that people will be frustrated if they could not get me immediately as she is someone who dislikes delaying things. This is despite the fact that there are two avenues (i.e. company phone line and email address) where people could reach me as she feels that calling my handphone would render a more immediate response. She sees things in terms of the "here and now" and feels uncomfortable when something could not be accomplished on the spot.

Nevertheless, having worked with her for quite a while, I have observed that her management style could be rather flexible at times. She does not believe in micro-management and concentrates more on the results rather than the process on how I get things done. She tries to find the fun in the work and does not believe in doing something if it is not enjoyable. In addition, she finds satisfaction in titles and awards and aim hard to achieve them. It also appears to me that her idea of personal satisfaction is having material gains. She seems to find joy in buying branded products and aims to find the best deal out there.

[07490]

eunice, on Mar 11 2009, 03:36 PM, said:

My boss is most probably a Fe-ESFj and I nearly thought that she is my conflictor because we have very different perspectives in life.



Based on what she has shared with me, she reckons that people will be frustrated if they could not get me immediately as she is someone who dislikes delaying things. This is despite the fact that there are two avenues (i.e. company phone line and email address) where people could reach me as she feels that calling my handphone would render a more immediate response. She sees things in terms of the "here and now" and feels uncomfortable when something could not be accomplished on the spot.

Nevertheless, having worked with her for quite a while, I have observed that her management style could be rather flexible at times. She does not believe in micro-management and concentrates more on the results rather than the process on how I get things done. She tries to find the fun in the work and does not believe in doing something if it is not enjoyable. In addition, she finds satisfaction in titles and awards and aim hard to achieve them. It also appears to me that her idea of personal satisfaction is having material gains. She seems to find joy in buying branded products and aims to find the best deal out there.

I would call those people empty, but it is most likely that they would be telling people how worthless they are.

[echidna1000]

I do find it annoying when Introverted Ethics people tell me off about mixing their private and public lives.