4 replies to this topic

[halll]

Hi All,

Thanks for all your advice in the previous post, it was much appreciated. Thank you especially to Ajax. Well I've finished exams now, and I've bumped into her a couple of times since my last post, in an effort to get closer to her, but something strange has happened. I added her on facebook and she rejected me, which is a total contradiction to how we've been getting along in the real world. I've noticed that every time I've said 'Hi Kate' she's just said 'hi' back so she may have forgotten my name (and the photo of me is small). Alternatively she's just decided that I'm not a close enough friend to be a 'facebook friend'. Either way it's been a demoralising experience. Should I continue to pursue, like you suggested Ajax, until getting a concrete rejection, or should I cut my losses here? If it's a rejection it's a tentative rejection as she hasn't really had a chance to get to know me personally yet.

[Ajax]

Hi again hall

I am now wondering if you left it too late now. I don't know about other ENFjs but if I detect that a person has some type of interest in me and they go around saying hi to me but not much else, after a while I will be very, very turned-off by them to the point where I can never be turn on by them again. If a guy is so shy that he will not step up and have conversation with me outright and straight then I will be repulsed, I think it has something to do with sex, like if he is so shy and insecure maybe he is the same way sexually which again is a turn off.

If you have not left it too late, here are more exact "instructions" on what you could do. On an occasion when you see her alone go up to her and start a conversation. Do not seem too intense, divide your attention slightly...seem a little off hand, be peeeling an orange or fiddle with your ipod a little at first but do this in a way that does not look like you are fiddling clumsily or pretending, seem very quietly confident but not arrogant. Then look in her eyes directly, and evenly, almost jack her in a corner with the intensity of your eyes which should kind of have a smile in them but do not smile directly at this stage and do not do anything cheesy like winking, do not look at her breasts, her lips or anywhere else on her except her eyes, do not attempt to say anything fun or funny. Say something she can identify with, say something to her like this "do you think today is just a rather slow, dull day?" That is, ask any type of question which shows some kind of interest in what she is experiencing/thinking inside without it being too intrusive. From there, ask her about whatever things you know she is interested in, talk a little about yourself but let her talk a lot more about herself. Again throughout this seem calm and confident but not pushy, do not stand too close. Do not tell her that you like her or that you are interested in her, just talk to her about whatever, it should be more than small talk which has the potential to irritate us but it should not be probing either, just be natural and confident. If she has a conversation with you lasting more than 5-10mins and she did not seem to be trying to get rid of you come back here immediately and I will suggest how to proceed. If she is not interested in you then you will know shortly if you have a couple of conversations with her. If she is not interested then it is ok because you will meet other people and so will she, at least you will know to no longer waste your time and efforts.

Also, if you did that facebook thing with me I would do exactly what she has done. Your approach is too indirect and maybe a little bit too forward in the wrong way at the same time. You need to really have a couple of actual conversations with her to see if there is any potential interest there.

May I ask? In general does she seem calm and serious or soft and smiley? Do you think some guys may see her as vaguely intimidating or more like the nice approachable type. Does she seem down to earth or kind of full of herself in a subtle way?

[halll]

Hi Ajax,

I don't think it's too late, the shorter conversations I've had with her have largely been a result of circumstances beyond my control. I haven't been 'shy' in an ordinary sense. I've been the engager. I appreciate your advice and will post again, after I've followed it and have talked with her again.

In terms of your questions, she's the latter, soft and smiley, approachable, down to earth. However she could easily be perceived to be the former type. She is serious (but I suspect this could be because I don't know her well), and would be intimidating to some guys especially as she has a muted uptown accent. A friend of mine who's ENFj is the former type.

[Ajax]

Hi halll, hope it's going well, let us know how it progresses.