13 replies to this topic

[hall]

Hi all, I used to be on the other socionics forum (under a different name), but that was too anti-beta for my liking.

Anyways, I'm an LSI and i met my dual, EIE about a month ago whilst jogging. We got on well talking to each other for about 5 mins before going our separate ways. It was a very warm experience and for a stranger she was quite open, warm and trusting. It was almost as if I had known her for years. Any bystander looking past would probably have thought we were a couple. I very much enjoyed it, and I'm sure that enjoyment was mutually shared. I've since found out from a mutual friend that she has a long distance boyfriend - although he probably isn't LSI and is a bit too immature for her anyway.

I saw her again 2 weeks ago and she was very enthusiastic and exuberant when saying hello as we crossed paths. However last week she was far more controlled and reticent. Perhaps I misread her interest (but not type) or her change in behaviour was due to external stresses such as exams (which are on at the moment). Alternatively, it's possible that the attraction is mutual but she doesn't want to betray any signs of interest in me as she's feeling guilty for her perceived breach of loyalty to her current boyfriend. This is not suprising to me, as she, along with many EIEs, holds herself to a high standard of behaviour and morality.

I'm unsure how to proceed, but obviously all judgements thus far are tentaive and she'll have to get to know me better before making a final judgment.

[Ashton]

hall, on Nov 10 2008, 05:34 PM, said:

Hi all, I used to be on the other socionics forum (under a different name), but that was too anti-beta for my liking.

Welcome to the forum.

Quote

Anyways, I'm an LSI and i met my dual, EIE about a month ago whilst jogging. We got on well talking to each other for about 5 mins before going our separate ways. It was a very warm experience and for a stranger she was quite open, warm and trusting. It was almost as if I had known her for years. Any bystander looking past would probably have thought we were a couple. I very much enjoyed it, and I'm sure that enjoyment was mutually shared. I've since found out from a mutual friend that she has a long distance boyfriend - although he probably isn't LSI and is a bit too immature for her anyway.

I saw her again 2 weeks ago and she was very enthusiastic and exuberant when saying hello as we crossed paths. However last week she was far more controlled and reticent. Perhaps I misread her interest (but not type) or her change in behaviour was due to external stresses such as exams (which are on at the moment). Alternatively, it's possible that the attraction is mutual but she doesn't want to betray any signs of interest in me as she's feeling guilty for her perceived breach of loyalty to her current boyfriend. This is not suprising to me, as she, along with many EIEs, holds herself to a high standard of behaviour and morality.

I'm unsure how to proceed, but obviously all judgements thus far are tentaive and she'll have to get to know me better before making a final judgment.

It sounds like the situation is still open-ended at this point, and could go either way. I'm not EIE, but your assessment of the situation seems appropriate so far. You might try making some more overt signals to communicate your interest in her and gauge her response, next time you see her and after exams are over. That's what I'd likely do in your situation anyway.

Hopefully our resident female ENFj, Ajax, can respond to this and give you some better tips straight from the source.

[07490]

hall, on Nov 10 2008, 11:34 PM, said:

Hi all, I used to be on the other socionics forum (under a different name), but that was too anti-beta for my liking.

Anyways, I'm an LSI and i met my dual, EIE about a month ago whilst jogging. We got on well talking to each other for about 5 mins before going our separate ways. It was a very warm experience and for a stranger she was quite open, warm and trusting. It was almost as if I had known her for years. Any bystander looking past would probably have thought we were a couple. I very much enjoyed it, and I'm sure that enjoyment was mutually shared. I've since found out from a mutual friend that she has a long distance boyfriend - although he probably isn't LSI and is a bit too immature for her anyway.

I saw her again 2 weeks ago and she was very enthusiastic and exuberant when saying hello as we crossed paths. However last week she was far more controlled and reticent. Perhaps I misread her interest (but not type) or her change in behaviour was due to external stresses such as exams (which are on at the moment). Alternatively, it's possible that the attraction is mutual but she doesn't want to betray any signs of interest in me as she's feeling guilty for her perceived breach of loyalty to her current boyfriend. This is not suprising to me, as she, along with many EIEs, holds herself to a high standard of behaviour and morality.

I'm unsure how to proceed, but obviously all judgements thus far are tentaive and she'll have to get to know me better before making a final judgment.

Trust me, we EIE knows that if we click with someone, and that someone is the LSI, on the first meeting, we think about it and we hold on to that feeling for a long time until the second meeting, matching the intensity and eurhoria of the first meeting, Our NI is dynmanic and we want the second time to be better than the first. Man i can't tell you how much i have connected with an LSI male or female the first time we met, its unlike any kind of relationship i have. That intensity is within our head and when we met the second time, things have higher expectation, we aren;t natural selves and we have doubt. BUt though my experiences i ahve learned that is only the first few minutes of the second meeting, once i clam down and be myself again everything is fine, it really all depends on the inital contact of the second meeting, if it goes well and it flows along, Duality happnes again. I believe this goes for all the EIE becuase FE+NI just works that way. Trust me my brother, if the first time you met her was indeed as fruitful as all the meetings i had with an LSI, then she is only afrarid of meeting you again either messing up the relationship or having doubts about you. Out of all the type i ever met, i dont think any type would ever match the clamness and the comfort level if LSI.

[crazedrat]

Not all ENFjs hold themselves to high standards of morality. But they all do seem concerned with maintaining moral highground in a social context.
From the one's I've known, there are huge differences between the Fe & Ni subtype.
In duality, it helps to be yourself. You really can't be yourself too much.
My true self is much more cynical and negative then what I show people. I know the last time I met my dual, ESFp-Se, was in a strip club. She was a stripper there. I said to her the first thing that came to mind, without thinking twice, and I asked her 'do you want to kill yourself?'. I got a really positive response, and we had about a half hour long conversation at the bar. A few months before that I had a boss who was ESFp-Fi. That time, I tried to force it. I knew she was ESFp from the start. So I started pulling all these gymnastics. It was still fun, but it definitely wasn't as good as it could of been.
I think subtype may of also had a little to do with this. I was more comfortable being myself around the ESFp-Se.

[Capitalist Pig]

Hello Hall,

I am the resident Socionics skeptic, so unfortunately I do not have anything to add (Socionically) to your post. I do, however, as the exalted (and self-appointed) Idiot King of Epsilon Quadra*, wish to extend my welcome to our humble forum.

* At the moment, Idiot King is only a title of nobility. At some point in the future, I am hoping Ashton will concede that Epsilon requires only a single sovereign (i.e., me). Preferably, there should be a unique Group titled Idiot King with myself as its sole constituent.

[borderline]

Capitalist Pig, on Nov 11 2008, 07:10 AM, said:

* At the moment, Idiot King is only a title of nobility. At some point in the future, I am hoping Ashton will concede that Epsilon requires only a single sovereign (i.e., me). Preferably, there should be a unique Group titled Idiot King with myself as its sole constituent.

I see nothing wrong with that.

[Capitalist Pig]

Allie, on Nov 11 2008, 08:00 AM, said:

I see nothing wrong with that.

Me either.

[Ajax]

hall, on Nov 10 2008, 11:34 PM, said:

I saw her again 2 weeks ago and she was very enthusiastic and exuberant when saying hello as we crossed paths. However last week she was far more controlled and reticent. Perhaps I misread her interest (but not type) or her change in behaviour was due to external stresses such as exams (which are on at the moment). Alternatively, it's possible that the attraction is mutual but she doesn't want to betray any signs of interest in me as she's feeling guilty for her perceived breach of loyalty to her current boyfriend. This is not suprising to me, as she, along with many EIEs, holds herself to a high standard of behaviour and morality.

Hi hall,
Maybe the attraction is mutual but something along the lines of what 04790 wrote is going on. I have some doubts about whether it is the guilt over the boyfriend thing that is responsible for her cool atitude.

Be the predator you really are and hunt her down, stalk her, haunt her (but watch that you do not become excessive and annoying). If she likes you she will respond positively to this. If she is not interested then she will in turn hunt you down and make you very miserable for making her miserable and for just generally annoying her. The "hunting"/more direct approach is really the only way to find out if she is interested in you and the only way she will confirm that you are interested in her. If you do not strongly show your interest, she might assume you only liked her dress or something and was not really that interested in her. Balance of emotional power is important to ENFjs, we do not really like expressing our feelings or attraction no matter how strong they are for those who like us less than we like them. While we understand the motives and behaviors of others usually, we are not quite as good at knowing what people feel about us, Fi people are much better at that IMO.

Quote

I'm unsure how to proceed, but obviously all judgements thus far are tentaive and she'll have to get to know me better before making a final judgment.

Just do what Ashton said (in this case at least ), make your attraction more clear, this tends to work with various different types of girls not just ENFjs.

[Ajax]

Also at hall. ( this is a rather long, I feel like writing a bit)

I met this ESTp on tuesday. He is the sort of ESTp who speaks in a whisper so that some people feel the urge to move towards him to hear him better. I did not move towards him by the way, I have a kind of instinctive understanding of his tactics and what to do about them.

Anyway, he spoke of some model sculptures he was making of sci-fi figures in motion (very Ti in that he was making that which is dynamic static )and he also spoke about the languages he can speak, he has a superior memory. I listened, I was not particular interested, I think he was even boring me a little. Then he stood around watching me work but in a kind of none intrusive yet not creepy way. Later on when I got home and reflected upon my day I remembered him somehow, I remembered that the opening line he said when he met me was a complaint that his work was fine as long as he was moving and things were not slow, I also hold this view of my work so it was great that someone felt the same way so there was a little Fe moment. When we met we were at the time in a place which I thought was my secret hiding spot, which also happens to be his secret little spot as well that of an ISFj who I met previously. I think we are the only three people who use this spot and I think we are probably three of very few Ni quadra people in that enviroment.


The next day when I saw him I was cool towards him. I was polite and not much else. I did not want him to know that he was in my thoughts, that seems like too much "power" to give a person so quickly. I also wanted to guage what his atitude to me would be like on another day. We were now seeing each other in a different place at another time, I knew that I had some interest in speaking to him again but I feared saying something he would not really get and then the whole interest and adventure would come to an end (I am an ENFj and considered weird by much of humanity). Also, I wanted him to express some type of more concrete interest. Maybe hall this is what the ENFj is waiting for from you. Myself and every other ENFj I know really hate to seem vulnerable, we must seem strong at all times and this is partially the source of the coolness towards people we are attracted to but do not know very well.

Back to the ESTp. I have now come to the realisation that for some weeks now this ESTp has been rather subtly in the background observing me. I saw him there but he somehow did not quite register consciously with me, he was just part of the general background of whatever was going on in a mostly busy enviroment. It feels now like for weeks I have been in a forest being hunted by a leopard, gradually being encircled by it. I had previously vaguely registered some paw prints and the bushes moving occasionally then one day it decided to present itself right there in full view in front of me, it has all been rather smooth and gradual. I am enthralled as I tune into the pattern of the creature's behavior and see what has been going on.

hall, I have written all this because I thought that ISTjs too had this ability that I describe the ESTp has having, that is ISTjs too have the ability to pursue in this type of covert yet highly motivated and targeted way. So I am a little surprised to see an ISTj wondering what to do to enter into the circle of an ENFj.

[crazedrat]

Beta mating habits... almost like listening to the discovery channel

[Ajax]

crazedrat, on Nov 14 2008, 03:59 AM, said:

Beta mating habits... almost like listening to the discovery channel

lol, gammas are just more civilized

[07490]

Ajax, on Nov 14 2008, 06:59 AM, said:

lol, gammas are just more civilized

I wouldn't mind being a Gamma though it means my life would be a bit tougher i would think.

[borderline]

7490, on Nov 14 2008, 01:02 AM, said:

I wouldn't mind being a Gamma though it means my life would be a bit tougher i would think.

Why's that?

[07490]

Allie, on Nov 14 2008, 05:19 PM, said:

Why's that?

Becuase the healthy one has intergrity.